Alrighty, here goes Harrison's birth story. I am writing this off of memory and the documented timeline Christopher kept throughout the 18 hours we labored! So please bear with me, well as far as the "my memory part" we all know Christopher's notes are perfect! See photo below to view the first page of his notes.
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| notebook |
Monday morning October 13th
I spent the whole weekend trying various ways to naturally induce labor -- Clary Sage, Evening Primrose Oil, Red Raspberry Leaf, running/walking up the stairs, walking the dog, relaxation, reiki, etc... Well clearly no baby came so we went to my scheduled 1030 apt to see what was up. I was still (and had been for 3 weeks) -1 station, 50-70% effaced (depending on when you asked), and a new development I was 1cm dilated So basically I had not even begun to labor and Baby J was not anywhere near to making his appearance. So here I sit 41 weeks and 1 day and Dr. Jacoby says (what we knew was coming) "lets talk about induction, I am gonna give you time to talk, Ill be back." Well we knew this was what we would be faced with if he hadn't come by Monday, so yes it stunk but we were prepared. Chris had his briefcase and was ready to take his leave starting right then. We would rather get things going now than wait any longer. Chris was leaving for Amsterdam that next Thursday and we were both already very mixed about him leaving. So Dr. J comes back and asks if we are good to go, we answer yes, he steps back out to call the hospital to see about us getting in that day. Turns out they have room, yay! Butttt being the pumpkin obsessed woman I am I had just eaten a pumpkin bagel with pumpkin cream cheese. And if you know anything about hospitals, that is a huge no-no. So Dr. J talks them into letting us come at 3. I am still going as natural as I can, so I am not having an epidural and they have nothing to worry about. Well they listened and we were scheduled to check in at 3. Off we go to have our last few hours with our furbaby. We went home and walked Liuzza, showered, loaded the car, and set off!
Once we got to the hospital and got all checked in we were settled in L&D room 9. It was huge and at the end of the hallway, so we were feeling pretty fabulous. They immediately check me and get me hooked up on the monitors. I requested the telemetry monitor so that I could continue to be mobile as my labor progressed. Jenn had to keep adjusting the monitor because Baby J kept moving. I told them he wouldn't stop bc he was hungry and we hadn't eaten... Jenn tried twice to get my IV in and had trouble so she called Meg who got it on one shot. At 415 they began the IV fluids. at 453 they started the pitocin. 505 they began the antibiotics for GBS. At 520 I had my first popsicle! They also upped my pitocin to 4. Patrick got their right about 540. Apparently my contractions were rocking and rolling but I felt nothing so they upped pitocin to 6. My contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart but I was still feeling nothing. The nurses seemed surprised. They continued to have to adjust the baby monitor because he continued the moving. At 7pm Jenn & Meg's shift ended and Ashley came on. PJ goes to get him and Christopher dinner around 8. Man it smelled good, I enjoyed my second popsicle. They upped pitocin to 8 and continued to adjust the baby monitor. At 9 they gave the second round of antibiotics. Patrick, Christopher, and I were just hanging out watching football! Thank heavens for MNF - San Francisco 49ers Vs. St. Louis Rams.
Dr. Jacoby comes around 920 to break my water. It was not incredibly exciting. I could feel him grabbing the bag of water twice and it slowly began to leak. Then I had a small gush of sorts. But don't be fooled once it is broken it does not all come out. Every time I stood up I had water come on out... sooooo fun and I am sure paints a great picture for you readers! Around 1030 I think I feel a contraction, it felt like gas. Again around 1120 I think I feel something in my back.
Tuesday October 14th, 2014
Continue from above. PJ goes out to meet everyone around 12 when they get there. I begin to feel contractions in the uncomfortable way. Not awful, but I can see how they could become bad. Everyone comes back in twos and says hi. They change my IV at 1227. Around 1am everyone heads home to get some sleep before the big labor gets going. Apparently I begin to shiver and we are not sure why! Ashley continues to make me get back in bed and try and find the babies heart rate. I continue to tell her he is going to keep moving because I am hungry! She did not seem very amused. They give me my third round of antibiotics. Around 2am I throw up. What I throw up or why I have no idea... Poor Christopher had stepped out to get water and I felt the urge to throw up. Bless his heart, I know that he was so upset for not being there for me. I break out the essential oils at this point because things are hurting and Ashley keeps making me get back in bed. I kept trying to labor on the ball or the toilet, anywhere but the bed! Everything gets worse on the bed! I could have sworn I was in transition... Ashley checks me at 245 and I was only 3cm dilated, 95% effaced and still -1 station. To say I felt defeated was an understatement. I was in awful pain. Pain that was not natural and came at the result of drugs. Drugs I did not want and never planned to have. I cried. Chris and I are both emotional at this point and discuss pain options. We decided to go with NuBain a pain med that would take the edge off. It did not feel like it helped any with contractions, but it did make me sleepy between them, which helped with the whole relaxing thing. Chris was incredible. He worked with me through every contraction. He was using counter pressure with tennis balls and anything else that we found to work. I would not, could not, no way have made it through a second of any laboring without him. Everyone says that labor brings you closer and lets you learn more about each other. It was an amazing experience to go through together and I will always be grateful for it. No matter how it panned out! At 510 I got the 4th round of antibiotics and a 2nd round of NuBain. Ashley checked me at 525 and I was 5cm, 100% effaced, and -1 station. Christopher's work alarm went off at 530 and we got a good laugh about that one. We had officially been awake for 24 hours! Come on Baby J we wanna meet you and then sleep for days! :) Around 6 I felt the need to push and told Ashley, she did not check me again and she told me not to push. Looking back I am super upset about that. I felt like I went from 5cm to 9 very quickly and had she checked me I would have been ready. Turns out it was for the best bc our favorite girlies - Meg & Jenn came back at 7. And we would not have been able to have done all that we did with out them! Jenn held the monitor on me and allowed me to move as I needed too, I could not have been more grateful because it helped contractions not be miserable. I told them I felt like I needed to push, they immediately checked me and said I was 9cm, 100%, & -1! Call Dr. Jacoby, we are gonna have this baby!!! I could not tell you how amazing those words were! Dr. Jacoby shows up at 735 straight from the gym, sweaty clothes and all, it made me love him even more! So for two hours I push and push. I push in every position I can. Baby J's head is right there but keeps going right back in. Dr. Jacoby says I am doing amazing and couldn't be better at pushing. Something is keeping him from coming out, because I would have been able to push him out in 3 pushes if not. Dr. J doesn't know if it is the babies head, my bones, or the way the baby is positioned. I have a feeling it is not his position because he has been soooo good & in the perfect position for so long. Dr. J cant check the position without an epidural because it would be too painful, and the baby's head is too swollen to see his ears and tell if his chin is down or up. So after 2 hours I have never felt so physically exhausted. Dr. J mentions an epidural. He will be able to go in and feel the baby and possibly help him out. He also says he thinks it will relax things a little and maybe give the baby a little more help on the way out. So once again we are faced with another thing we did not want in our labor and delivery. We decide it is the next best thing before a c section and go with it. Chris says looking back he is pretty sure Dr. Jacoby knew that I would need a c section, but he also knew how strong willed I was and that I wasn't going to consent until I had gotten to try everything possible! I am again eternally grateful to him for the constant support.
Well, Dr. J goes home to shower and the anesthesiologist comes into to get the leg numbing drugs going. Before they get things going I ask if I can brush my teeth and wash my face. They let me do all of the things I want before I am stuck in bed for the foreseeable future. An hour passes and Dr. J comes back. He checks me and says everything is perfect and the baby has been in the perfect position the whole time. It is in fact my pelvis that is keeping him from coming out... My body. MY amazing body is what is not allowing my sweet baby boy out of me. I could have chosen to feel betrayed, but I decided that will do nothing good. So we push for another 40 mins and nothing has changed. I had to have oxygen and sit out a few contractions because his oxygen was not as good as they wanted. He was never actually in distress, just getting pretty exhausted. Mommy feels your pain buddy boy. It has been a long day. So the dreaded end game that we all knew was a possibility is thrown on the table. It is time for a c-section. Everyone could not be more amazing, they kept reminding me that this is not a failure. I have been strong, I have done everything I could. And I need to be okay with this. Chris and I both cry, then I enter a stage of surrealness - numbness even. I knew that at the end of this I would have my baby and he would be okay, I knew that I really did do everything I could, I knew that my doctor and nurses were incredible and let me do whatever I wanted, and I knew I had the most incredible support system in my husband. But I still went into a state of this is what is happening, this is what I didn't want, but I need to be okay with it.
Off to the OR we go. I am shaking, they it is the epidural. My teeth are clattering insanely. Chris had to spend the whole time massaging my jaw because it hurt so bad. Even as I sit here at my kitchen table and my baby sleeps in his bouncer seat I can instantly feel the pain in my jaw.
To say that the whole process of having a c-section was wild, well it was wild. Surreal, unbelievable, dreamlike, not-real... I can go on and on of just how it felt and never really be able to communicate how I felt laying there being cut into. Then hearing my baby cry. I cant see him. But I can hear him. I couldn't feel him come out of my body, but I knew it happened (in 7 short minutes). It was not the birth that I imagined. All I could think was I don't want him to be alone. I wanted Chris to stay with him the whole time. Chris came back to me to show me pictures he had taken on his phone, I couldn't look, I just wanted him to be with Harrison, to make sure that Harrison knew he was safe. That I was so sorry they were sticking things down his throat and up his nose. That is no way to come into the world. I am so grateful that he wont have any memory of his first days because they were traumatic to say the least. So as I lay there, still shaking, I knew I had a baby but I didn't feel like I had a baby. That may or may not make sense. I think because we had been planning for this natural birth with no medicine it felt more dreamlike to have all the medicine flowing through me and not be allowed a vaginal birth. We did do what we knew was best with a c-section - double suture for future vaginal success and having Harrison brought to me as soon as possible. Fortunately he never had to leave the room. So as far as a c-section goes everything went great. However Dr. J did inform me afterwards that he did double suture as I requested, but that the chances of my being able to have future vaginal births is slim. Because I pushed so hard and so long I ended up with two tears in my uterus. He repaired them both but if I were to try and push for future births there is a very large chance my uterus will rupture. He also said he is pretty positive my pelvis is not going to allow for a vaginal birth. It happens, not often, but every once in a while a body comes along that just cant accommodate having a baby vaginally. I wonder if it has anything to do with my hip and hip surgery. I am not sure that we will ever find an answer to that. But as Dr. Jacoby said we will cross that bridge when we get there for the next one. I was also told that Meg had to go in vaginally and push Harrison out. He had no interest in entering the world. I am pretty sure he'd stay inside me forever. My sweet little stubborn mamas boy!
Off to the recovery room we go! You can pick up where we left off in the next post.
So there is my birth story. I hope it wasn't too gruesome or detailed for you the readers. I do not know that I can really put into words how it felt to labor for 18 hours and actually have a baby. It was an amazing experience that I will forever be grateful for. I know that I had a "vision" of Harrison's birth and that it would go a certain way. Well it didn't. And that's okay. I am okay with it. I always will know that I did everything I could and tried as hard as I could. I will always be thankful for the team we had and the experience that it gave Chris and I. And I will forever be in awe of this amazing little life that we created. I look at him often (now for example as he sleeps in my Solly Wrap) and just think wow. That is it, wow.
Once we got to the hospital and got all checked in we were settled in L&D room 9. It was huge and at the end of the hallway, so we were feeling pretty fabulous. They immediately check me and get me hooked up on the monitors. I requested the telemetry monitor so that I could continue to be mobile as my labor progressed. Jenn had to keep adjusting the monitor because Baby J kept moving. I told them he wouldn't stop bc he was hungry and we hadn't eaten... Jenn tried twice to get my IV in and had trouble so she called Meg who got it on one shot. At 415 they began the IV fluids. at 453 they started the pitocin. 505 they began the antibiotics for GBS. At 520 I had my first popsicle! They also upped my pitocin to 4. Patrick got their right about 540. Apparently my contractions were rocking and rolling but I felt nothing so they upped pitocin to 6. My contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart but I was still feeling nothing. The nurses seemed surprised. They continued to have to adjust the baby monitor because he continued the moving. At 7pm Jenn & Meg's shift ended and Ashley came on. PJ goes to get him and Christopher dinner around 8. Man it smelled good, I enjoyed my second popsicle. They upped pitocin to 8 and continued to adjust the baby monitor. At 9 they gave the second round of antibiotics. Patrick, Christopher, and I were just hanging out watching football! Thank heavens for MNF - San Francisco 49ers Vs. St. Louis Rams.
Dr. Jacoby comes around 920 to break my water. It was not incredibly exciting. I could feel him grabbing the bag of water twice and it slowly began to leak. Then I had a small gush of sorts. But don't be fooled once it is broken it does not all come out. Every time I stood up I had water come on out... sooooo fun and I am sure paints a great picture for you readers! Around 1030 I think I feel a contraction, it felt like gas. Again around 1120 I think I feel something in my back.
Tuesday October 14th, 2014
Continue from above. PJ goes out to meet everyone around 12 when they get there. I begin to feel contractions in the uncomfortable way. Not awful, but I can see how they could become bad. Everyone comes back in twos and says hi. They change my IV at 1227. Around 1am everyone heads home to get some sleep before the big labor gets going. Apparently I begin to shiver and we are not sure why! Ashley continues to make me get back in bed and try and find the babies heart rate. I continue to tell her he is going to keep moving because I am hungry! She did not seem very amused. They give me my third round of antibiotics. Around 2am I throw up. What I throw up or why I have no idea... Poor Christopher had stepped out to get water and I felt the urge to throw up. Bless his heart, I know that he was so upset for not being there for me. I break out the essential oils at this point because things are hurting and Ashley keeps making me get back in bed. I kept trying to labor on the ball or the toilet, anywhere but the bed! Everything gets worse on the bed! I could have sworn I was in transition... Ashley checks me at 245 and I was only 3cm dilated, 95% effaced and still -1 station. To say I felt defeated was an understatement. I was in awful pain. Pain that was not natural and came at the result of drugs. Drugs I did not want and never planned to have. I cried. Chris and I are both emotional at this point and discuss pain options. We decided to go with NuBain a pain med that would take the edge off. It did not feel like it helped any with contractions, but it did make me sleepy between them, which helped with the whole relaxing thing. Chris was incredible. He worked with me through every contraction. He was using counter pressure with tennis balls and anything else that we found to work. I would not, could not, no way have made it through a second of any laboring without him. Everyone says that labor brings you closer and lets you learn more about each other. It was an amazing experience to go through together and I will always be grateful for it. No matter how it panned out! At 510 I got the 4th round of antibiotics and a 2nd round of NuBain. Ashley checked me at 525 and I was 5cm, 100% effaced, and -1 station. Christopher's work alarm went off at 530 and we got a good laugh about that one. We had officially been awake for 24 hours! Come on Baby J we wanna meet you and then sleep for days! :) Around 6 I felt the need to push and told Ashley, she did not check me again and she told me not to push. Looking back I am super upset about that. I felt like I went from 5cm to 9 very quickly and had she checked me I would have been ready. Turns out it was for the best bc our favorite girlies - Meg & Jenn came back at 7. And we would not have been able to have done all that we did with out them! Jenn held the monitor on me and allowed me to move as I needed too, I could not have been more grateful because it helped contractions not be miserable. I told them I felt like I needed to push, they immediately checked me and said I was 9cm, 100%, & -1! Call Dr. Jacoby, we are gonna have this baby!!! I could not tell you how amazing those words were! Dr. Jacoby shows up at 735 straight from the gym, sweaty clothes and all, it made me love him even more! So for two hours I push and push. I push in every position I can. Baby J's head is right there but keeps going right back in. Dr. Jacoby says I am doing amazing and couldn't be better at pushing. Something is keeping him from coming out, because I would have been able to push him out in 3 pushes if not. Dr. J doesn't know if it is the babies head, my bones, or the way the baby is positioned. I have a feeling it is not his position because he has been soooo good & in the perfect position for so long. Dr. J cant check the position without an epidural because it would be too painful, and the baby's head is too swollen to see his ears and tell if his chin is down or up. So after 2 hours I have never felt so physically exhausted. Dr. J mentions an epidural. He will be able to go in and feel the baby and possibly help him out. He also says he thinks it will relax things a little and maybe give the baby a little more help on the way out. So once again we are faced with another thing we did not want in our labor and delivery. We decide it is the next best thing before a c section and go with it. Chris says looking back he is pretty sure Dr. Jacoby knew that I would need a c section, but he also knew how strong willed I was and that I wasn't going to consent until I had gotten to try everything possible! I am again eternally grateful to him for the constant support.
Well, Dr. J goes home to shower and the anesthesiologist comes into to get the leg numbing drugs going. Before they get things going I ask if I can brush my teeth and wash my face. They let me do all of the things I want before I am stuck in bed for the foreseeable future. An hour passes and Dr. J comes back. He checks me and says everything is perfect and the baby has been in the perfect position the whole time. It is in fact my pelvis that is keeping him from coming out... My body. MY amazing body is what is not allowing my sweet baby boy out of me. I could have chosen to feel betrayed, but I decided that will do nothing good. So we push for another 40 mins and nothing has changed. I had to have oxygen and sit out a few contractions because his oxygen was not as good as they wanted. He was never actually in distress, just getting pretty exhausted. Mommy feels your pain buddy boy. It has been a long day. So the dreaded end game that we all knew was a possibility is thrown on the table. It is time for a c-section. Everyone could not be more amazing, they kept reminding me that this is not a failure. I have been strong, I have done everything I could. And I need to be okay with this. Chris and I both cry, then I enter a stage of surrealness - numbness even. I knew that at the end of this I would have my baby and he would be okay, I knew that I really did do everything I could, I knew that my doctor and nurses were incredible and let me do whatever I wanted, and I knew I had the most incredible support system in my husband. But I still went into a state of this is what is happening, this is what I didn't want, but I need to be okay with it.
Off to the OR we go. I am shaking, they it is the epidural. My teeth are clattering insanely. Chris had to spend the whole time massaging my jaw because it hurt so bad. Even as I sit here at my kitchen table and my baby sleeps in his bouncer seat I can instantly feel the pain in my jaw.
To say that the whole process of having a c-section was wild, well it was wild. Surreal, unbelievable, dreamlike, not-real... I can go on and on of just how it felt and never really be able to communicate how I felt laying there being cut into. Then hearing my baby cry. I cant see him. But I can hear him. I couldn't feel him come out of my body, but I knew it happened (in 7 short minutes). It was not the birth that I imagined. All I could think was I don't want him to be alone. I wanted Chris to stay with him the whole time. Chris came back to me to show me pictures he had taken on his phone, I couldn't look, I just wanted him to be with Harrison, to make sure that Harrison knew he was safe. That I was so sorry they were sticking things down his throat and up his nose. That is no way to come into the world. I am so grateful that he wont have any memory of his first days because they were traumatic to say the least. So as I lay there, still shaking, I knew I had a baby but I didn't feel like I had a baby. That may or may not make sense. I think because we had been planning for this natural birth with no medicine it felt more dreamlike to have all the medicine flowing through me and not be allowed a vaginal birth. We did do what we knew was best with a c-section - double suture for future vaginal success and having Harrison brought to me as soon as possible. Fortunately he never had to leave the room. So as far as a c-section goes everything went great. However Dr. J did inform me afterwards that he did double suture as I requested, but that the chances of my being able to have future vaginal births is slim. Because I pushed so hard and so long I ended up with two tears in my uterus. He repaired them both but if I were to try and push for future births there is a very large chance my uterus will rupture. He also said he is pretty positive my pelvis is not going to allow for a vaginal birth. It happens, not often, but every once in a while a body comes along that just cant accommodate having a baby vaginally. I wonder if it has anything to do with my hip and hip surgery. I am not sure that we will ever find an answer to that. But as Dr. Jacoby said we will cross that bridge when we get there for the next one. I was also told that Meg had to go in vaginally and push Harrison out. He had no interest in entering the world. I am pretty sure he'd stay inside me forever. My sweet little stubborn mamas boy!
Off to the recovery room we go! You can pick up where we left off in the next post.
So there is my birth story. I hope it wasn't too gruesome or detailed for you the readers. I do not know that I can really put into words how it felt to labor for 18 hours and actually have a baby. It was an amazing experience that I will forever be grateful for. I know that I had a "vision" of Harrison's birth and that it would go a certain way. Well it didn't. And that's okay. I am okay with it. I always will know that I did everything I could and tried as hard as I could. I will always be thankful for the team we had and the experience that it gave Chris and I. And I will forever be in awe of this amazing little life that we created. I look at him often (now for example as he sleeps in my Solly Wrap) and just think wow. That is it, wow.
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| Here he is!!!! |
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| before leaving for the hospital |
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